The Beast That Takes
Loneliness, a stranger that seeks to inhabit. When the moon is out, and the stars are shining, it creeps in and embraces you with its cold touch. In that short moment you feel its grip tighten, pulling you away from the light you once stood beneath and into darkness, overshadowing each moment.
Fuelling your insecurities, you soon find yourself to be overflowing with emotions. You fail to understand why you feel alone, unappreciated, abandoned or as though no one understands you.
Throughout the day you appear to be okay, you get on with everything as normal, but when you are alone, you feel it’s presence around you. It leaves you with doubt, without a structure in your life, you feel hopeless. As the days go by, you find that you have a new friend, isolation. You choose to isolate yourself, maybe binge a series. You find that you’re still in the clothes that you slept in, I mean why would you change? You are born to be loved, yet it seems like no one cares enough to check in on you.
No missed calls, no messages, just the usual nonsense from the group chat. Your phone seems to have no use, it serves the purpose of just a couple of scrolls on social media and nothing more.
Each night is now the same, each day is repeated, you’re stuck in a loop. You may have many friends, a caring family or might even be in a relationship. Yet you find yourself feeling lonely and can’t seem to understand why. You can see that you’re losing control of everything, powerless. As this beast circulates through your veins, you find yourself feeling down a lot more, you’d rather just be alone.
Loneliness inhabits your body, consumes every ounce of hope you once had, reducing you to tears and sapping all your energy. Like a virus, it feasts upon your happiness, leaving nothing but an empty carcass. It’s easy to lose yourself, you’re conscious of your existence, yet you feel like you mean nothing. You soon find yourself falling but never hitting the ground.
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa
Like the homeless, you feel as though no one pays you any attention, alive but alone. You feel as though you can never fully share your thoughts because no one could ever understand.
I understand. The feeling of closing your eyes to complete darkness, in tune with your mind. Spending days alone, catching up on every series, isolating yourself from the outside world because you prefer being alone. Sinking deeper and deeper into a dark hole that you can’t seem to get out of. I understand.
Loneliness, it sounds like an easy thing to fix. They’ll tell you to reach out to someone, make friends. They think you are lonely because of a lack of company, that may be part of it but it’s mostly deeper than that. Loneliness is fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Loneliness is the blistering cold with no hope for warmth. Loneliness is walking a lonely road without direction, it’s the crippling of your body and mind. Drowning in a crowd of people.
At times it appears to be your only dependable friend, the beast that never leaves your company but tightens its hold on your life. I escaped this beast by expressing my feelings through writing.
Express your emotions through writing, your words are honest. Reading what you wrote, what you felt, how you were lonely and afraid, let those words be the light that brighten your darkness. Do not suffer in silence, take the step, and begin writing. Let your words guide you out of the clutches of loneliness, let them lead you to the source of your loneliness and be ridden of that beast.
Be cautious of your words, words hold power, they open sensitive doors that may make you feel vulnerable. Write with the intention of releasing, self-growth, self-discovery, and healing. The next step, reach out and share your emotions, do not carry the weight of your suffering alone, share the weight until you carry it no more. The final step, leave your comfort zone, spend time with others, you can even be the orchestrator of social events.
Writing allowed me to discover the source of my loneliness. When my aunt passed, I was young and didn’t know how to grieve. I repressed my emotions and felt abandoned after her death. The feeling of being abandoned took over my life, leaving nothing but a void. Releasing my emotions on paper allowed me to grieve and heal.
If you feel you have no one to talk to, I’m here for you, I understand.